Life After College: Working full-time and being a Dancer.

Graduating college is an automatic acceptance into adulthood and now you can officially say you have "grown up". This newly acquired title and place in life is the ultimate dream; getting that first full-time job, being able to pay all your bills yourself, happy hours after work, and experiencing complete independence. Until, one day you realize you were having a lot more fun in college and your life evolved around yourself.

Central Park, November 2015

During college your only job is to be yourself! Those years are for you to experiment, create, work, and generally be completely selfish with anything you do, so it later on benefits you. College is where you begin to create yourself as an adult and where you decide what interests you, what you hate, what your strengths and weaknesses are. As a dancer who received her BFA in Dance, my four college years were very much structured selfishly as to build myself as an artist. My job was to see a variety of dance concerts, experience multiple dance techniques, utilize the free studio space to create whatever my hearts content, and be completely enveloped within the dance community. The culmination of these events was to grow myself as a dancer and begin to pave the way for what I was going to pursue during "life after college"; and it truly did! I have discovered my love for historical modern dance and the desire to con-temporize out-dated works and techniques. I can even give you my long-term goals, which includes what I want my thesis to be in grad school (re-create a version of Loie Fuller's La Mer) and my dream job of being a college dance professor. Unfortunately, things are not as simple as they were in college.

Nowadays, I work 9am-6pm at a private investment firm being an administrative assistant/personal assistant/office manager, I am taking a dance education course, and continuing to pursue the Duncan technique under two master teachers, but the biggest difference is now I am no longer dancing all day every day. It truly is heartbreaking because sometimes I get scared that maybe I am letting my dance career slip away, but then I remember that I now have to pay rent, amongst various other bills, and to pay those things I must work. I can no longer take dance classes for free or see dance concerts at a discounted price, all these things take extra money that I must dedicate more of my time to earning. The harsh reality of the dance world is that you cannot make money from dancing as an independent artist, you have to pay to perform. On top of performance application fees, you also need to pay for rehearsal space, not to mention production fees when you do get accepted into a festival. All of the things that you received for free in college you now have to pay for, and though we all consider ourselves artists first and foremost, we still have the responsibility to take care of ourselves.

Shannon McMullan at Gray's Papaya, November 2015

On the positive side, I am not throwing away my dance career; I am currently dancing with a Duncan company that I moved to New York to work with, a long with studying the technique under the previously mentioned teachers. I have performed three times since moving to New York and begun working on my own projects. I try to write and blog as much as I can, though it does get put on the back burner more frequently. I have a small list of festivals I want to apply to and I plan on beginning my yoga teacher certification in March. The reality of "life after college" is that you are no longer in college and are no longer a college student, which means your situation and environment changes. I am beyond grateful to be experience New York City and being able to gain this experience of living here, even though the sacrifices being made are not ideal.

The way you picture your life once you graduate is that you'll dance all the time and create so many new works without the constraints of school and the list goes on of what you imagine things to be. Life is none of those things. Yes, you now get to create without the rules your teachers give you, but you may have to go a month without rehearsing because you had to buy clothes for your new job instead. Dancing all the time is a luxury now, there will be weeks you are too exhausted and opt to go to yoga instead. You aren't going to get accepted to every festival either, or you have to bypass applying because you have to buy Christmas presents now. What I'm learning is that you just have to accept things and have to be o.k. with certain sacrifices, because everyone is on the same boat. You just have to keep reminding yourself what you're here for and to keep pushing yourself to accomplish your goals, and that is all you can do.

Does an ARTIST always come with being PRETENTIOUS?

     As a new resident of New York City, 8 days to be exact, I have trudged through every emotion possible. See picture to the right---- That is my response to applying to 40+ jobs in a 5 day period. I am beyond annoyed with my own resume and letter of interest that I have forced upon people.

With the amount of time I have spent judging myself, before letting multiple other people judge me, has really made me question myself. I have 5 different resumes so I have 5 different detailed career descriptions of myself. My most important resume by far is my professional dance CV. It includes the utmost important "ARTIST STATEMENT". Because being a dance artist means I need to include a tiny biography that consists of three sentences that are so full of ridiculous adjectives, you have to read it out loud at the speed of a sloth to even begin to process what the hell I am even saying. What I have learned by reading every one else's artist statements is that the more stupid you feel after reading one than the better the artist. 

     I was recently told that the way I write is like the way I talk, and apparently that is unacceptable, because when you're an artist you shouldn't sound like yourself. I often give my resumes or writings to a peer to edit my grammar because I tend to be a comma nazi. When in doubt, comma it out is my motto. 99% of the time my trusted peer will then edit everything including changing my sentences and the way the sentences are laid out. Which is totally fine when I have a run on sentence, but literally changing my voice in my writing is what I am worried about. My recent thoughts have been regarding what makes an artist an artist and when do you stop taking other peoples advice. 

     I am typically a very simple person. I like to get to the point instead of beating around the bush, which is what I find a lot in artist statements. I think it is ridiculous to write a whole paragraph on something you can say in one sentence. Why waste all that time and space when you could be filling it with more words that are saying different things. I also like to write the way that I talk, it makes me feel personable like I am a real human being talking. Unfortunately, I have been told a few times that I need to write more eloquently, i.e. not like a human being. 

     As a person and as an artist, I want to be myself and I do not want to mesh myself into the same casing as every other artist. I believe artists are special people and we all have special abilities, that's what makes an artist an artist! Being an artist you have to often fight for yourself and defend your intentions, so does this include fighting for my writing intentions. Do I need to submit myself to changing my voice or do I fight to defend it? I am choosing to defend it.

     Now, I am completely aware that I need a decent amount of grammar skills, which is why I always have someone edit my stuff. Except this blog post. I am purposely not getting this post edited because I want it to be completely authentic and in its original state. And this is my intention as an artist for this post. 

     

Visually Experiencing the Audible

Zoe Keating graced Austin, Texas with her presence on Sunday May 17, 2015 at the Parish on 6^th street. A community atmosphere was created when she invited the nearly packed venue to sit down; witnessing a musician perform this action was a comforting change and reassurance that Zoe Keating is an artist. The concert that Keating put on was a brand new experience for me as a concert-goer and as an artist; this experience allowed me to challenge and widen my perspective on music as art.

As a recent dance graduate I have had an extensive amount of experience with watching various dance concerts, and often discussing these concerts on a professional level. I instinctively began to prepare myself as if I was watching a dance concert, but it quickly became clear that I would not be able to watch this in the same way. Unlike music, dance is more easily relate-able because the audience is having a visual experience; being able to have this visual field allows a person to see a relationship or story develop. With music being solely audible the visual field is not being accessed and therefore relating to this type of art has to be done in a significantly different manner. I found it highly difficult to find any metaphors or 2^nd functions within any of Keating’s pieces because I could not rely on being visual. Before Keating would play a piece she would inform the audience the story behind the music or what it was about, this helped me more thoroughly understand the music.

One piece, Seven League Boots, was about having magical shoes that would allow you to travel seven leagues in one step; this came from Keating’s desire to easily pass the mountains that blocked her from the ocean. During this piece I made the decision to look at the ground instead of watching her. I employed the technique of soft-focus that improvisers use when improvising; this allowed me to focus on what I was hearing and what images it was creating for me. I was able to imagine myself wearing these magical shoes walking over valleys and mountains. Using soft-focus forced me to internalize which proved to be successful in fully experiencing this musical art.

Although I was successful during one piece I did not prove the same in the rest of the concert. During this experience I discovered that every medium of art cannot be approached in the same way, but prior knowledge of different art forms can help with understanding others.

BFA Thesis Review

    On April 9^th, 2015 at 7:30pm I attended Venture at Evans Auditorium at Texas State University. Venture was the thesis concert highlighting five graduating seniors’ works from the Division of Dance. The concert was political, multi-cultural, and diverse in many ways; there were themes including gender equality, issues with immigration, and an exploration of relationships. My experiences differed drastically throughout the concert; at times I was grief-stricken, and occasionally I was disappointed with the lack of emotions I observed within myself. With this concert being the culmination of these students’ undergraduate education there were high expectations, although most works lived up to these expectations, some fell short.

   The issues that are concerned with gender equality are very present in our modern day society; one topic that is specifically associated with this issue is the gender stereotypes society places on women and men. See.Hear.Speak. was choreographed by Rachael Hodge with music by Jerry Martin, Balmorhea, and text by Emma Watson. Hodge’s work was a direct representation of gender stereotypes. The work had a beginning section that included four dancers, two male and two females. These dancers signified specific gender roles in a 1950’s era, with dresses past the knees for the women and dress suit attire for the men. The female dancers created a suchness of the ideal housewife that stays at home cooking and cleaning for the men; all the while the male dancers played the part of the dominate and controlled man of the household. As the work progressed, there was a shift within the characters when a single female became saddened and possibly angry, appearing to attempt to break free of her stereotype. This concept of a character transitioning from a housewife to a modern day woman was a strong choreographic choice for the choreographer; however, the concept was not thoroughly successful due to a lack of character portrayal from the dancer. As a result of this transition, a new section began that included an addition of a third female dancer. This section’s music had powerful speech about gender equality from Emma Watson; the theme was centered on the idea of men and women being individuals but equal at the same time. The storyline within this piece was powerful but it lacked depth. The movement language was absent of any metaphorical meanings that tied back into the theme; technique class combinations are not always successful within a performance setting. In regards to the title, See.Hear.Speak., it did not have any initial effect on my perspective until days after; upon further reflection of this title I understood that it could mean being presently aware of a negative issue and speaking out about it. At the conclusion of the work, I did not feel empowered as I assumed I would had, due to me being a woman and the nature of the work. I do feel this concept being translated into a dance is necessary, but the exploration needs to be furthered within this piece to make it whole.

   Eileene Vicencio is deserving of an immense amount of gratitude for her solo, La Bestia, el Coyote, y el American Dream; with music by Max Richter and film/editing in collaboration with Olivia Barto. Vicencio’s creation was a response to the struggle of immigrants trying to cross the American border, and more often than not, dying along the way. While watching this solo there were multiple moments that occurred center stage when Vicencio would crawl without the use of her arms; this movement language created an environment of internal struggle. I experienced imagery of this internal struggle that occurs within a person when they are reaching out for a dream and cannot quite grasp it; this dream for immigrants is reaching this utopian life that they hope to live here in America. At the beginning of the piece the title, La Bestia, el Coyote, y el American Dream, had no influence on me because I cannot speak or read Spanish, thus I could not create any connections with it. Afterwards, when I was able to translate the meaning the title still did not open up any more insight to me. At the conclusion of this work, I was more deeply curious about these issues that arise from immigration. Due to ignorance within myself, I was not completely aware of the laws surrounding immigration, why these laws were necessary, and why it upset a large population of people. Although, my opinion of open borders has not changed, Vicencio’s work of art pushed me to further research multiple perspectives on this political issue.

   The multiple themes that arose within this concert were challenging and significant to society. Being able to face sensitive subjects, such as immigration, allowed the audience to have the opportunity for a broader perspective; regardless of whether a person’s political stances were changed, they were still exposed to it. This type of exposure is necessary within the art and dance community because it allows for society to progress. 

Creative Project Response

   On March 31, 2015 the writing for dance class met and presented our sculpture projects that had been in progress for approximately two weeks prior. These projects were created using random objects that students brought in and shared with the class; guidelines were given on how to approach the inclusion of each object into the sculpture. To create an open atmosphere a circle of desks was made within the room; this allowed for each student to openly present their project. It quickly became apparent that though we all received the same objects, no two projects were exactly alike and each project held a significant story within it.

    My project was left untitled for the mere reason that I did not think it was significant enough to be given a title. In my opinion, a title is given to a work that is distinguished enough to hold one; a title is an essential element that molds a work, be it a dance or painting, into its own specific category. I do not believe my sculpture was a work of art; it was artistic, but not worthy of a title or being displayed in a gallery. A work of art has to be explored and critiqued multiple times over before it holds a significance; true art comes from an incubation process where the artist leaves their work alone so they can get out of their critical heads and thus come back to the work with a fresh mind. I did not go through these steps or process; therefore, I only consider my sculpture a reflection. This reflection is in response to a prominent issue within my biological family.

   My sculpture was a clear wine bottle with a band aid stuck under the neck in a diagonal line, a circular mass on the right side consisting of cut up wine cork, small pieces of straw, and other various objects. Inside the wine bottle was ash and ripped up pieces of poster settled into the base and a piece of fabric stuffed into the top so nothing can fall out. The wine bottle alone represents the human body and the piece of fabric stuck in the top hole is necessary in creating a closed circuit for the whole project. We as human beings are closed circuits, and we do not have a giant hole in the top of our heads where organs may fall out, but everything in our bodies are linked together. The fabric closing the wine bottle represents this essentialness in our bodies. The mass is located on the right side of the bottle as a representation of how my father’s cancer was condensed on the right side of his prostate. Within this mass there were twenty-six straw pieces that represented how many lymph nodes were removed from my uncle that were full of cancer. I got the idea to create a mass-like structure from pure curiosity about what cancer physically looks like; with all the recent news about cancer travelling through my family I was wanting to know exactly what was it that was harming these people. This led me to try and create my own form of cancer on my project.

   The ash and paper inside the bottle is also a representation of another mass of cancer, although this one is a reflection on my personal feelings. This mass is representative of when I was told I had pre-cancerous cells for cervical cancer, hence why the ashes and paper are at the bottom of the bottle because the cervix is in the lower half of the body. My emotions of annoyance are displayed through this dark and smoky ash; the annoyance comes from the fact that as a twenty-two year old I have to see an oncologist. Although cancer knows no age, as human beings we expect ourselves to be completely healthy at a young age, and this is where my annoyance stems from. The band aid was a literal representation of the act and process of healing. For my father and myself, we had to go through surgeries and then allow our bodies to heal themselves, but my uncle he will have to go through radiation and chemotherapy to rid his body of cancer.

   My intention from the beginning of this project was to create a work that somehow reflected and responded to cancer, and throughout my creative process my intention stayed the same. In regards to Dennis Dutton’s universal qualities, I would categorize my work under a representation and special focus. The whole basis of my project was to create a representation of cancer; by using 1^st function elements, like usage of space on the wine bottle, I was able to communicate the 2^nd function representations that were shown on my project. Every part of my project was a representative of issues regarding myself and people related to me. These representations were a part of the special focus of cancer. From the viewpoint of Dutton’s qualities I can confirm that my project was a creation as opposed to an object for utilitarian purposes. My wine bottle sculpture did not in any way sustain life for a human, but it reflected on an emotional issue in a cathartic way.

   Leah Smit’s sculpture was a prime look at 1^st function design elements. Smit referred to her project as an explorative 3D design sculpture that focused on radial shapes. When first looking at this sculpture it appears to be a blossoming flower; this flower was achieved by cutting vertical lines on a Starbucks cup with each cut piece curling downwards to create the appearance of a petal. A second cup was cut the same way and placed in the center of the previous cup and then strips of poster was inserted between the two cups. The three layers gave the sculpture depth and allowed the audience to view the work from multiple angles. Directly in the center of these layers Smit, cleverly, placed a colored straw that also had vertical cuts. This straw stood out within the stark white layers of the cups; Smit did not comment on whether this color difference was intentional, but regardless it was a successful decision. As a viewer I did not find any 2^nd function meanings; although it did create an image of a blossoming flower, I would not consider it 2^nd function, but it had a suchness to it.

   Mario Florez’s sculpture titled Shed Some Light was a satirical perspective on corporate America. When first looking at Florez’s work it is clear that it was designed to look like a lamp; he used a clear vase as the base of the work and from there stacked other various objects including a plate on the very top to act as a lampshade. The literal image of the lamp was a 1^st function design element that Florez intentionally created. Florez did state that his project started off as 1^st function and then progressed into 2^nd function meanings. These deeper meanings were displayed directly on the Starbucks cup; Florez had written words on this cup such as poverty, which directly reflects how he feels the corporate side of America is. As a viewer, I experienced his work as 1^st function only even though he did say it had specific meanings. Being able to experience this sculpture as just a lamp was more satisfying then connecting to it on its 2^nd function meanings.

   At the conclusion of class I was more than impressed at what myself and my classmates were able to create. None of our projects were even close to being true pieces of art, but our individualities and own creative processes were artworks within themselves. Receiving the opportunity to try my hand at creating a sculpture was a brand new experience to me, and though it was not museum worthy, it pushed me as a dance artist and allowed my artistic perspective to grow.

            

Merge Dance Company - Response

On March 6, 2015 at 7:30pm I attended INtersections a concert presented by Merge Dance Company, performed at the Patti Strickel Harrison Theater at the Performing Arts Center on the Texas State University campus. This concert included multiple guest choreographers and performers showcasing their work. One guest choreographer was Heike Salzer; Salzer created a work titled Zefiro, with a sound collage by James Barron and Thomas Jameson, including Zefiro Torna composed by Christina Pluhar and L’Arpeggiata. This dance work had a suchness of an innocent childhood, brought about by the playfulness and explorative movement language created from the use of balloons as a prop. The strong choreography of this work contributed to the creative aspects, thus making this a true work of dance art.

            To watch Zefiro was to be taken on a magical journey that provides an awe-inspiring experience, thus leading this work of art to be categorized under art as sublime. This work of art creates an atmosphere for audience members that may feel familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time. This familiarity comes from the literal idea of the balloons; balloons are an object that everyone can directly identify with because we all have the knowledge of these objects, however every person can experience a different emotion with them. These emotions that are particular to each individual could possibly create a story that each audience member is accustomed to. Though Zefiro produces a comfortable energy, that is knowable, there is a contrasting energy that leaves an air of mystery. This mystery comes from the situation that the choreography produces; this situation is that of dancing, moving, and interacting with balloons in a manner that we, as humans, are not familiar with. Surrealism can be used to describe what I felt while watching this work because of the bizarre relationships arising from the movements. When looking at this work it reminded me of an inner dream or wish being brought to life. The choreography resembled a type of ceremony, possibly a celebration ceremony because with the title of the dance, Zefiro, the work could display a celebration to the goddess of the wind. The bright music that began in the middle section of the dance made me think of folk music, and created the image of a community performing this dance. Zefiro, a bright and eclectic work of art, had traces of inspiration from folk and ceremony dances while being presented in a contemporary performance setting.

            A story is being told within this work, but not a narrative; this story is presenting a person’s inner emotions and dreams. This makes me consider Zefiro a metaphoric dance and more represented of the 2^nd function. What I realized while watching this dance is that it represented the immense happiness that a human can feel when a dream is met or an unbelievable experience has occurred. This unbelievable experience could be finding an unexpected lover or simply jumping out of a plane, both scenarios are ones that produce higher serotonin levels. When serotonin levels increase within a person this can make them feel as if they are on cloud nine or invincible; Salzer creates this same feeling in her piece. Regarding 1^st function elements, the strongest was the use of space with props. The movement language that was used with the dancer and prop interaction was brilliantly authentic. There were simple gestures, such as carrying the balloons into different formations, which were highly effective. The ending action was the most prominent 1st function element where the dancers were laying on the ground holding the balloons when they released them into the air; this was pure 1^st function in the sense that balloons, as a literal object, float away through space. It is apparent that Salzer did not just make a work of art, but created it. According to Dennis Dutton this dance could be categorized under multiple universal signatures including: direct pleasure, expressive individuality, and imaginative experience. Zefiro embodies these signatures from the positive energy and dynamics that it emits to expressing a metaphorical story that is unique to every individual audience member.

            Without a doubt, I can confidently say that Salzer is a true artist in the dance community. To be able to create a dance work that goes beyond time, space, and energy and into the conscious lives of audience members is a gift. It brought back memories of childhood moments and I received the chance to live the time of innocence all over again thanks to Heike Salzer.

Gallery Visit and Experience

   On February 26, 2015 I went to The University Galleries at Texas State University. Within Gallery [1] was an exhibit titled Tell Me What You Think of Me, curated by Leslie Moody Castro. Stereotypes, definitions, and cultural classifications are brought to the forefront and how North America, as a whole, contributes to these issues. La Graduita by Máximo González was a doll standing on a thick piece of plywood; the wood jutted out at least a foot from the wall. The doll, a mere inch in length, was set against the wall leaving eleven inches of emptiness in front of her. At the feet of the doll was a small sign that read “Graduate.” The doll was wearing a cap and gown while holding a diploma in one hand and her head in the other. The neck was painted showing the bone of the spine and blood red of human flesh. When looking closer, the texture of flesh appeared smooth showing a clean cut. La Graduita is a work of art that is representative of the North American higher education system and makes viewers postulate the issues that graduates face.

   A doll clothed in graduation attire directly represents college graduates and the higher education system; therefore, I see this work as employing art as imitation. As an artist I question, “Would Plato approve of this form of imitation?” I answer myself, “No, he would not.” Plato defined art as imitation as showing an ideal world, a sort of utopia. La Graduita does not imitate an ideal world, but represents how the world actually is. However, imitation is shown through this tiny doll with the cap, gown, and sign that says Graduate. As a viewer, I do not question what it is I am looking at; I am looking at a college graduate. This is why I would categorize this work as employing imitation. Although, the head decapitation is not literal of college graduates, it is on a metaphoric stance; metaphorically, this doll is imitating every future college student. I am viewing this sculpture as an artist and also as an upcoming graduate. The experience I received from this art allowed me to come to terms with and understand the world I will soon be entering into. Employing art as a means of understanding was successful through this sculpture. This sculpture gives viewers the understanding that graduation is nearly the same as a death sentence. I am able to more clearly understand this work of art because of the information I have learned about the higher education system. I can directly relate to this graduate doll because I feel that I am represented through it.

   This artwork is very three dimensional, and because of that it allows viewers to be given the opportunity to walk around it and experience the art from all angles. The bluntness of a decapitated doll coexists well with the linearity of the wood that is clear and stark. This work is nearly symmetrical, aside from the difference in what is in the dolls hands. By standing directly in front of the doll I experienced the same feelings as I did when standing on either side of it. When postulating further about this work, my take away is the idea of this doll representing the higher education system. Delving deeper, it mimics the college educated students specifically in North America. Regarding 2^nd function, the piece of plywood represents the notion of ‘walking the plank,’ and there is a clear intention of having the head removed. This plays with the idea that receiving a college degree is sentencing people to a death sentence. The plywood could also represent walking out into the world. There is nothing on the end of the board besides emptiness, just a straight drop off. This emptiness is society and the walk towards it is anything but good. By leaving the universities and entering into society, college graduates have nowhere to go but down. Graduates should be greeted with immense opportunities and job possibilities, but instead they are faced with unemployment or becoming employed in a field that they did not specialize in. While appreciating a work in 1^st function form is refreshing, the 2^nd function within this work was dominant.

   The experience I had while viewing this work stirred up a variety of emotions. I was relieved that this issue of college and society was being addressed artistically, but on the opposite end, I was upset because it is a pressing issue. I believe González’s intention was for viewers to become upset with how the system works in North America. The artist wanted to remove the dolls head and paint on the bloody flesh and vertebrae to show the brutality of our reality. Instead of simply stating what is wrong with higher education, González responded to the issue in an imaginative way that jolts viewers into facing the reality. La Graduita can fall under multiple categories of Dennis Dutton’s universal signatures. Novelty, creativity and imaginative experience because of the imaginative way the artist spoke about a serious issue through a small sculpture. Strongly depicted within the art is the universal signature of representation - the setbacks that this generation’s college graduates are ultimately destined to face, and the intellectual challenge of how do we change things for the better.

   While looking at the exhibit as a whole, it is clear that the issues behind all the works were from a South American cultural point of view. The stereotypes and classifications that the North American culture puts on other cultures is made fun of and questioned throughout this exhibit. Máximo González could have possibly created La Graduita in response to how the education system in North America confides or maybe oppresses students of different nationalities. As a person born in North America this artwork spoke to me as an individual, not regarding any of my cultural categories. La Graduita is not focused to a specific group or person, but speaks universally to people.