Contact Improvisation

Let's discuss Contact Improvisation. I have been meaning to write this post ever since I took this specific master class but haven't found the time. I took a 6 hour long master class on contact improvisation. Now first let me say that I recently fell in love with improvisation overall in the past few months. I had finally found something that I really loved and felt comfortable in. This changed everything that I wanted to do in my career. I then discovered contact improvisation which again changed my world. I wanted to begin to study that even more. I finally found a master class to attend and it was on a Saturday from 11 - 4. I was extremely excited because I felt I had so much to offer and learn. (Back story: I have never really liked being touched by people, it has always bothered me. And this was a leap for me). I had an 'ok' experience in this class. It was the kind of experience that made me question my love for improvisation and contact. Still a month later I am shaken by that experience.

At the beginning of the class it was a lot of fun and I was experiencing a lot of things. But as it went on and I had to partner with other people that I did not know. Sometimes for me I am okay with this, but other times I am very uncomfortable. The first lady that I partnered with I felt she was treating me as a child and was trying to teach me instead of dance with me. These kind of things makes me feel inferior and I get agitated and upset. From that point I kind of couldn't wait for it to be over. When partnering with someone that I do not know I feel that I must have a connection with them. If I feel no connection I will shut down. I have started to realize these things around and analyze why I am feeling such ways and what is happening. I observed in myself that I had few connections in the room. This thought in itself is unsettling. I had another moment dancing with someone else where I felt they too were also trying to guide me and teach me themselves instead of dancing. This experience of people treating me this way was frustrating. I have noticed in my personality that I have strong opinions and strong feelings. I have gotten in touch with these things so I can know myself better. In a more defensive way, I don't like to take shit from anybody. This is exactly how I felt when these older ladies were trying to teach me.

The last thing that happened was I had decided to pull myself out of the class and just observe for the last hour or so. After so much touching and frustration I was exhausted. There does come a point sometimes in contact improv that you are just overly sensitive from the contact. I was at that point. The teacher was facilitating a cool down with partners where you lightly massage them. The teacher came over to me and asked if I wanted to participate. Not knowing exactly how I felt at that moment I told him, very unsure of myself, that I did not know. He immediately said back to me, "well it is a yes or a no. So do you or don't you." This sent me over the edge. I felt that from a teacher stand point he should not have back fired at more or talked to me in that way. As a teacher he should have been able to tell that I was uncomfortable and unsure. From there he should have made the decision for me that it was best I sit out or try to talk to me in a more friendly way to help me participate. In the end I tried to do the cool down but as I laid on the ground my head began to spin and I almost passed out. Thus I jumped up and ran out of the studio. I am still thoroughly embarrassed about this but I didn't have time to connect with my feelings at that moment.